I feel like the world's biggest hypochondriac. I ended up in emergency AGAIN the other day. I don't remember anything. Apparently I was walking towards the house, when I put my hands to my head, and kept saying "head", whenever I was asked what was wrong. I then stumbled up the stairs and my knees collapsed, and all I could do was grunt whenever I was asked a question. So I was taken (unwillingly) to emergency. Had some medication for my headache, slept for 5 hours despite the chaos around me, and they sent me home once the blood tests were clear, saying "Well, we don't know what happened, but you can go now." I was so glad. I hate hate HATE being a patient. I get this yucky sleepy-but-can't-sleep feeling during/after being a patient; I just hate it. I was surprised I didn't get a CT- I know that's what would have happened if I'd presented to the Adults dept of our ED (but I don't go there because it's way too weird to be looked after by your friends). But glad I didn't get a lumbar puncture. And I've been fine since. So now I just feel like a hypochondriac. As usual. Why can't I have a normal body? One that doesn't do weird/painful things to me? Time to trade me in for a new model.... ..... And I write all this dribble because of all the stuff that hurts too much to write about. Like missing Maeve's memorial service tonight. I was on the toilet, with things pouring from both ends (now THERE'S a mental image to take to dinner with you), but I still regret so badly that I couldn't go for Robyn's sake. If anyone in Aus watches SBS, keep an eye out for "A.f.t.e.r. M.a.e.v.e", a documentary of loss, screening sometime. I will probably be in it. I'd also love a copy of it, if anyone thinks to tape it.
