I felt so guilty leaving her in that hospital bed. I'd watched her in the most pain she'd ever been in for hours on end, and I fought for pain relief, and tried to make them see sense - how could I possibly take her home like this? How could I get her into the car, let alone up the many stairs to the house? And so I got the morphine, and I got the admission. I didn't get to take it from her, though. Of all things, that's what I wanted most. To have that pain instead of her. She simply doesn't deserve pain, not after all that she's been through. She's one of the best people on this earth and does everything for everyone else. Why does she have to suffer when others do not? I felt so awful leaving her in that bed, alone. I wanted to stay there all night, stroking her hair and holding her hand. But we don't get what we want. And so I am at home, pain free, while Mum is in hospital in agony.
