Today a longstanding, very good friend took me to a place called the 'H.e.a.l.i.n.g R.o.o.ms'. It's a place of prayer, and not being religious, I have thought long and hard about accepting her offer, which she made months ago. I am a spiritual person, in that I believe - or want, try to believe that there is something greater than myself out there. When I was in NZ, and I was desperate to be home, some little things would just happen to get me there sooner, and I would send a genuine 'thank you' out there to the universe. I am not, however, religious. Religion in general makes me uncomfortable. For myself. I completely support those who are religious. Today was extremely awkward. Two people with my friend and I in a small room, with the volunteers being very...evangelical in nature. I felt very pressured, which I know my friend DIDN'T want for me to experience. But I did my best in the circumstances, and I took on board what was being said and done, and I sent my own words out silently in hope. Forgiveness for myself, for my father, and the strength to accept my pain. But mainly the first two. I want a family that loves eachother so badly. And I want to be able to love myself again. I got out of it what I could, is the message I guess. I greatly appreciated my friends' time in taking me, and the thought itself. While I didn't agree with a lot of what those that prayed for me said, I appreciated their time and well-meant feelings for me. This afternoon, my father rang me. He asked permission for him, myself, and my brother (the brother who he can't be in the same room with mostly) to go out and choose a kitten for our mother and his wife. A joint venture to make the person who has held our family together for years smile again. I'm aware of the timing. I'm aware that I could be excited by the coincidence. And I am glad to tell my friend this news, and let her believe further. I would, however, like to say with a smile on my face, that I'd like to take a little of this credit for myself. Maybe, just maybe, I did something amazing in opening pandora's box when I read out that letter to Dad.
