"I'm not happy or sad." And he smiled quickly at me, but it was gone. Life, love, trust...all the things I used to see in his eyes were just gone. He was just empty. And it's my fault. I have this scream inside me; a physical scream that just can't get out. I ran through the house and found a corner everywhere I went. I felt trapped inside me, the pure hatred of myself engulfing everything I saw and heard and touched. I just wanted to get the scream out, but I couldn't. I curled into a ball in the corner behind the front door and I threw my head backwards until it hit the wall behind me, but nothing happened. I still felt it. I've destroyed him. That's what's hurting me the most. I've destroyed every good thing about him - the love and trust and innocence that makes him so amazing. I single handedly destroyed that. I hate myself with a passion I've never known before. I've never hated anything or anyone the way I hate myself right now. I want to destroy myself in the same way I destroyed him. I want his faith to be restored. I want to take it all back. I want to escape. I think perhaps I may have already destroyed myself. I think I may have done that a while ago, when I ruined everything to begin with.
