We very nearly broke up on Sunday night.

I don't know where we stand now. We're both trying hard to be what we were two years ago, and it's good.

But there are problems that underly all of what we are doing - and I just don't know if what we are doing is enough.

And it's all so stupid.

"I love you so much", we said with tears running down our faces, our bodies twisted together in agonising closeness.

"So why are we even having this conversation?" I sobbed.

Neither of us want to break up. We're desperate not to. We both say that we want the rest of our lives together, that the other person is who we see in our futures.

So it's just me that has to move on from this restlessness. It's ME who has to get over the uncertainty of 'forever' with one person. I have to let go of questions.

And so we keep trying.

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*notes*